My Heart is in Honduras

The dreams, the tears, the laughs, the memories. It’s been almost three years since I have been to Honduras. That’s crazy to think about. That place changed my perspective on life forever. I am crying just writing about it honestly. Have you ever been so passionate about something that you feel pain when you can’t be there, when you can’t do it, but at the same time you’re so in love with it that it’s all worth it? I feel this way for lots of things, but I don’t really think there is anything that can surpass the passion I have for serving in Honduras.

For a lot of my teammates past and present, their passion is basketball. They feel as if they are at home and where they are meant to be when they are playing on the court. I am clearly passionate about basketball, because I wouldn’t be sacrificing my body, my time, and all my energy into this sport if I wasn’t, but this is how I feel when I am spreading the gospel in a place that is seemingly hopeless. Anyone who is close to me knows the struggles I go through that I can’t be there yet. I remember last year struggling with the thought of quitting school and basketball and buying a ticket to Honduras without telling anybody. (Luckily a couple of people talked me out of this crazy idea) but when you’re passionate and when you truly care about something you’ll literally drop everything to do what you feel called to do.

First of all, I would like to say that, yes, I do still struggle with the fight of being a D1 college athlete and going through the stress of school and even the struggle of peers not being in the same mindset with the same goals as me, but I have come to an acceptance that this is where God wants me in this very moment. God put me at Liberty University my freshman year so I could learn through brokenness and depression to be brought back to where my heart was in the first place, playing under the best coach in the country at UT-Arlington. I knew God was speaking to me through dreams of Coach Gerlich yelling with me (wearing a UTA jersey) after winning a game. It must have been an important game and I still think back on that dream that I had when I was 16. This lady made a huge impact on my life recruiting me out of high school and I knew I was going to play for her. The cool thing is, she has a very strong relationship with the Lord, too, and He told her she would coach me, too. HA. Crazy how God works and His plan is sovereign even when I stray away from what He has intended for my life. The point is, The Holy Spirit told the both of us I’d play for her, and here I am today. Clearly there were some impactful outside factors that had me take an alternative route in getting here, but it was so necessary.

I find purpose in the Lord’s plan for me, which is here at UT-Arlington. My teammates need me and I need them. Here is the cool thing about grace, is that although I don’t deserve this second chance, but I got it, because of grace. I don’t know where I’d be without it. Well I do.. Hell. Anywhos, I want to share what is on my heart, in hopes to encourage others, but also receive understanding on why I am the way I am I guess.

This is why Honduras has my heart. I will never forget the heartbreaking feeling I had when I was exposed to the poverty that is within the dangerous country of Honduras. I saw stray animals walking around the streets and families sleeping on the dirt and concrete floors outside of hospitals. I remember one of the translators explaining to my group that these people were sleeping on the dirt outside the hospital because they gave all the money they had for their family member to get the treatment they needed in the hospital. Guards with guns and bullet proof vests were at every corner in case of a gang outbreak. I remember walking into an orphanage and dozens of children running with their arms opened wide for hugs from the visitors.

I remember Addison (my bff in case any of y’all are oblivious to my life the past 4 years) had always expressed to me her desire to be a teacher in Honduras and I remember literally thinking “haaaaa ok good luck with that.. I could never do that nor would I want to, I’m good with living in the comfort and safety here.” I also remember holding Addison while she cried because of the way her heart broke for the people she encountered there. I didn’t understand it, but I wanted to. Brian was a little boy who lived in the orphanage she visited and she wanted to adopt him as her brother, but found out she couldn’t. She was devastated. I remember my mindset going into my first mission trip to Honduras as a sophomore in high school thinking I am about to do this great thing by helping these people in poverty. I think the people in Honduras helped me more than I helped them. I had always seen crying as weakness and wanted to portray to people that I was super tough. I never cried in front of anyone (other than my fam trust me they’ve seen the meltdowns) and I have always been the rock and strong one for others. Honduras changed that for me, I don’t know anyone who hasn’t seen the emotion in me come out. I don’t necessarily see this as a bad thing, because I think the vulnerability that this experience brought out in me has caused me to be more honest and open with others.

While I was in Honduras, I noticed all the kids pretty much chose one of us gringos (means white people) and we sort of claimed those kids as ours for the week. Brian was Addison’s. Angie was mine. She was the most beautiful little girl I had ever seen and she walked up to me and grabbed my hand. Her smile is forever implanted in my head and whenever times get tough for me, I really do think back to her and remember the reason why I am doing what I am doing. I can’t just stop or give up. I have to do what the Lord has set out for me to do so I can help Angie and the children in that orphanage. They need hope, they need an opportunity.

Angie showed me where she slept. I entered into a room with two bunk beds covered in urine stains and holes in the walls and ground. Every day that I visited her, she wore the same clothing and the meals that the children in the orphanage ate were small portioned and similar to the meals they had before. After my second visit to the country of Honduras for a mission trip, I decided I wanted to be a part of the change in poverty-stricken areas like this.

The country of Honduras is the second poorest country in Central America and poverty in Honduras affects sixty percent of the population, having thirty-six percent of the population living in extreme cases of poverty. In one of the hospitals I visited in Tegucigalpa, Honduras, there were children and their families camped out around the building. They didn’t have shoes, they looked like they hadn’t bathed in weeks, and these Honduran people lying around the dirt floor went homeless because they paid all the money they owned towards hospital bills for their family member.

Once we got into the hospital, I saw the cancer patients and saw children with no hair, undernourished bodies, and seemingly no hope. These children were lying on a bed with only white sheets and if they were lucky they had a few toys beside them. In Honduras, it takes several days for a typical injury like a broken bone to be treated. In the United States, if a person has a common cold or broken bone, it can be treated within the hour. In Honduras they lack the resources the United States have, so the doctors try to treat more severe cases first with the money and resources they have, and get to “minor” issues, like an illness or even broken bones later.

I have tons of stories about the people in Honduras, but I will share this one, because it is one that changed my perspective in a deep way. While we were doing skits and teaching children about Jesus in one of the schools, there was a boy who was tied up to a desk. Basically the desk had two foam pads, and he was tied to it with cloth, so they could use it as a wheel chair. He had spinal issues, so he was disabled, and anytime they wanted to move him, this woman would pick up the desk and sit it down wherever she moved him. It is images like this that honestly just leaves you speechless. How can a child live like this? 

While I was in Honduras, I also visited an orphanage called “La Finca de Los Niño’s” in a small village (where Angie and Brian live) and saw how dreadful the living conditions were that these children were living in. The bathroom they used had holes and bugs everywhere. They used a hole in the ground as their “toilet” and there was no toilet paper. Because of the lack of sewage, the area rotted with odor, which attracted bugs and rodents. After seeing all of this with my own eyes, I knew there was something that needed to be done. This is not a healthy or sanitary lifestyle for anyone to live.

After traveling to Honduras and other poverty-stricken parts of the world, one of my greatest desires is to help be the change in helping better the world. When I tell people that I want to serve the needs to the poverty-stricken people of Honduras, I never understand the dispute I get from people for wanting to do so. People ask me why I would want to fly all the way out to another country to help, when there are people in need here in my own city. My response is that if that was everyone’s mindset, then there’d be even more poverty and danger in those countries than there already is now. Why can’t I help people in need in my city, state, and country, and also help people in need in Honduras? The people of the United States can support reducing poverty in both Honduras and their own country. Why do we have to help one or the other, why can’t we help both? There is poverty all throughout the world, and there is something to be done about it globally.

The book of Proverbs talks about the importance of giving to the poor, which is a major reason I am so passionate about the importance of this issue. Proverbs 14:21 says, “Whoever despises his neighbor is a sinner, but blessed is he who is generous to the poor.” Why do some U.S. citizens have to label who to help and separate “us” from “them”? We are all defined as human and are able to imagine what it would be like to suffer from hunger or homelessness. I think it is difficult for third-world countries like Honduras to help the U.S. with our issues, because they do not have the resources that we have. The United States is still viewed as the country for dreamers and successes, but if we do not have the power to help out other countries who are suffering, then no one else will. The United States does not have the full ability to reduce all world hunger and poverty, but I believe we should still continue to help as we are able.

The experience of seeing extreme poverty in Honduras forever changed my perspective on life and I feel compelled to devote my life helping people living in poverty, because no one should live wondering where they are going to sleep that night. There is a reason churches devote so much, time, effort, and money to the poor, because it is a moral obligation and a command from the Lord to do so. Proverbs 19:17 says, “Whoever is generous to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will repay him for his deed.” This verse exemplifies the importance of giving to the poor and that by doing so, you are actually not losing anything, but are gaining compassion and will also be repaid for the act of kindness. I always try to put myself in other people’s shoes and I know that if I were in the position of those living in poverty I would want someone to help me get on track to living a virtuous life. We are called to love our neighbors as our self, so why don’t we start doing so?  

About a month ago the water in the showers at the apartment complex where I live wouldn’t get hot and I had to take a shower in the freezing cold. It reminded me of when I was in Honduras, when the shower water was so cold, you had to literally step in the water for 3-5 seconds, hyperventilate because it was so cold, and step back til you were ready to step back in the water. How much do we really take for granted here? We get frustrated when the Starbucks barista gets our order wrong. We get upset with our waiter when they take too long. We get infuriated when the Whataburger drive thru dude got our order wrong AGAIN. We complain when our wifi is slow. I could go on for days about the shallowest things we complain about. Sometimes in the midst of my pitiful complaints, I think of Angie’s face. What is her struggle today? What did she eat today? Who told her they love her today? What is she looking forward to next? Does she think I’ve forgotten about her?

I really wish people could experience the heartbreak I have experienced, because once you are exposed to brokenness like this, there is no going back. You can’t unsee it, you can’t not think about it, you can’t ignore it. Once you ask God to break your heart for what breaks His, there is no going back. Your heart is changed forever. One of my dreams is that my teammates will get to experience a mission trip with me. It is the coolest experience and it puts things into perspective. You start to realize that the pettiness that you once cared about is no longer relevant. You start to realize that there is something bigger, deeper, wider, and more meaningful to life. It’s Jesus. You become full of life, full of passion, it’s how He made you, just let it happen. You start to realize your worth in life. You begin to realize that guy who gives you half-hearted attention isn’t really worth your time. You begin to create visions for your life that are nothing less than what you deserve. You don’t have time for the irrelevant things in life. You don’t have the energy to invest time in drama. If people aren’t edifying and building you up, then you don’t feel the need for them in your life. Why would you? It changes your whole life. The way you view life, the way you see people, the way you love people, the way you bring your presence upon people, your potential dating relationship and marriage, the way you will raise your children. All of it changes because of the exposure to what is truly important in life.

Here is my prayer from my journal for Honduras,

“God,

Help bring Christ to all the people we talk to in Honduras. Break my heart for you God, help me see things to make me realize all I need is you. You’re all I need God, but sometimes distractions can make me think differently. I take things for granted, I complain, I am always WANTING more when all I need is you God. I have a great, caring, loving, Godly family, loyal, trusting, encouraging friends, I go to a great academic school with caring teachers, an amazing athletic ability from God, a house with food, transportation, and clothes, and these people have NONE of that and I still always want more and complain, yet I have nothing to complain about. Please help this experience open my eyes, and open the eyes of my heart and change the way I look at things and do things. Change me and my heart this week God. Send guarding and surrounding angels over mad an speak through me God.

In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.”

“Angie told me my hand is the size of my heart which means I have a big heart.”

After graduating from UT-Arlington and receiving my Masters, having a degree in International Business with a minor in Spanish and winning some championships and going far into the NCAA tournament I plan on living out my promise to Angie, which is to see her again. I want to be successful, so that I can give the resources and opportunity to people in Honduras that I had. That is where my heart is and as the most determined person I know, I don’t plan on anyone or anything stopping me from living out this dream.