The Redshirt Life

The Redshirt Life

So I just “completed” my redshirt year and I wanted to take some time to reflect on all the knowledge I soaked in and the growth I have had in my life this past year.

First of all, I want to say that my redshirt year was not as horrible as everyone said it would be despite the challenges and hardships I encountered throughout the season, thanks to my amazing coaches and teammates. There are somethings I want to say about transferring and redshirting as I am noticing it’s a trend.

1.  Transferring is NOT for everyone. I took this from Nicole Kornet and when she first said it I kind of took offense to it, because I hated when people gave me a hard time about transferring. I heard it all. You’re a quitter if you do it, you’re weak minded if you do it, it was the easy way out, you transferred in high school so there’s a pattern and of course you would do it in college. I even heard reasons of why I transferred from others whom I do not even know!! It is truly crazy how much people care about your life and your business for all the wrong reasons, they want to see you fail. I will say I wanted to respond to all those hateful posts, come back to defend myself to all the hurtful comments, but I didn’t. I didn’t because I read in Scripture around this time last year when I was going through the transferring process about Jesus’s crucifixion. People spat on him, accused him of things he didn’t do, trialed him for a death he didn’t deserve, called him things he wasn’t, and mocked him. Even though I didn’t go through what Jesus went through, that is truly how I felt. I felt beaten down by the words, the lies, and the accusations. You want to know what is amazing about Jesus, though?.. is that he didn’t defend himself. He didn’t say a word back. He let them and he turned his cheek. That was what I felt Christ was telling me to do. Don’t repay evil for evil and to move on from the hurt and let God heal my wounds. Back to the first sentence, though, transferring is NOT for everyone. Transferring was something that took me the entire year to decide, with lots of prayer, and also to do what was best for me and my growth spiritually. I knew I was supposed to go to UTA since my junior year of high school when I had dreams of me in a UTA jersey holding up trophies and hugging coach Gerlich. I knew that, but I did what made my family and other people happy hoping it would work out in the end and I was truly unhappy. You don’t transfer when times get hard, when you don’t play as much as you want, when things don’t go as YOU wanted.. those aren’t valid reasons to me. If you are on a spiritual decline, then that’s when you need to look at yourself in the mirror and truly ask yourself who you are and if your answer is from the enemy and not from the One who created you, then you know you need change in your life. For me I needed to go home and be coached by my mentor whom I trusted to start the healing process.

  

2. Wounded people wound people. Healed people heal people. I also stole this from Pastor Chris Bennett from Antioch church in Norman. It is so true. I saw myself in my most hurtful times when I felt so beat down and wounded, I was hurting everyone around me whether I was realizing it or not. Through my healing process (emotionally, mentally, spiritually) in the church and through developing my relationship with Jesus I have seen others around me benefit. People are happy around me, they are always laughing around me, to be real honest people love to be around me when I am overflowing that joy from Christ. It’s just true that Christ is living in me and there is an evident change in me. It is so crazy and anyone who has been with me through this healing process knows how much I’ve grown. I’ve been on this path of being addicted to knowing Jesus more and in the process, have loved Him more and more. The more I love Him and know His love for me, the more I am able to freely love others. I'll also say I didn’t find healing in a person here on earth (which is usually where I go to), or a drug, or alcohol, or a sport (also something i've gone to), or even a hobby like puzzles, reading (although I learned SO much from what I have read this year), and writing. None of that brought me healing, only Jesus did. I was healed through every worship service I attended, through the words I read in Scripture, through every prayer I prayed with my entire heart, through every tear I shed talking to God, and through every word I heard from the Lord. That’s how I was healed and am still being healed. I have never in my life expressed emotion in worship until this year, I would have never in my life thought that when a pastor said if you need help, literal prayer, and help come to the front, that I would ever be the first one down to the front on my knees right in front of the stage proclaiming to the hundred people in that room that I was broken and needed Jesus. But I did, and through it brought major healing in my life. I was not healed by moving back to my home state, by being an hour away from my family, and by playing for the most amazing coach in a winning program. Those things helped and the people in my life definitely helped point me back to Jesus, but Jesus is the one who has been healing me for 11 months.

                            

                            

                            

3. I see so much more from the bench. Uh, wow. I learned so much from sitting on the bench. First of all, I was intending to sit in the middle of the bench this year to be more involved, but the first thing I learned about the bench life is there is ASSIGNED SEATING. No changes, not even for a newcomer hahaha. Don’t break the assigned seating because it’s strict and it’s real. Second thing I learned was, there is NOT a seat for coach. She runs, paces, stomps, jumps, but mainly stomps. And you may think of all those words as her in frustration, but no, like she gets hype for our players just as much as we do for each other. It’s why I wanted to play for her, she is passionate, and not in a bad way. I also learned that when a ref wants to give me a warning for being too obnoxious on the bench, she looks at me and says nothing because that’s what she expects and wants from me. I mean, not to say anything to the ref…. but she wants me to be on the court slapping my teammate’s behind and having my teammates beside me holding me back from actually getting a technical, because that’s what we believe in, here. Also, I see the way my teammates respond to things. Each one is different. I know who slaps my hand the hardest when they come out because they’re so frustrated and I know who gives me the back hand high five because they’re disappointed in themselves, and I know who needs what words and the tone they need them in. Some girls shut down with intense words, some girls get fired up. Everyone is different, and learning everyone’s personalities has been so important and a lot easier for me as a redshirt than it probably would have if I was in the moment in an intense game playing on the court.

4. The injured life brings strength. This sounds super counterintuitive, but I believe that injuries make a player tougher, stronger, mentally stronger, and more confident depending on how they respond to the injury. I have seen this in my teammate, Kelsey, and in myself. The verse somewhere in Proverbs, I am pretty sure… says iron sharpens iron and I believe that is what Kelsey and I do for each other. Kelsey joined me in the redshirt life back in October when she tore her ACL in practice and it has been such a blessing in disguise that I haven’t had to go through this redshirt season alone. I am sure I would have been fine, but having someone who works as hard as I do to be there and push me in our weight workouts and shooting workouts when the team had a game or was out of town to hold me accountable pushed me farther than I know I would have gone without her. I was talking with Kels the other day about how I felt her injury actually helped her this year. I think an injury can help an athlete in their work ethic, their mental toughness, and their perspective on the sport. It makes you excited to run again, when you used to complain about it. It makes you excited to practice, when you thought before you were too tired for it. It makes you fight through hard times in rehab when you tell your body to do one thing but it does another. It truly makes you a fighter and a stronger person. I really do believe that with the time I had sitting out of practice for a few months at the end of the season it has motivated me more than ever to do extra and to go above and beyond in what I need to do in order to achieve my dreams. I am really excited for weights in the morning, for the extra training sessions with Coach Ratliff, and for any chance I can get to do workouts. I am just genuinely excited to have a basketball in my hands and to others who don’t understand, it sounds crazy that I am genuinely excited to work out and to be challenged, but it’s so cool to see that my passion for this game hasn’t died out and I think it’ll be a long time before it ever does. Even after all I have been through in this game, I love it and no person will ever change that for me.

                         

5.  Maturity through humility. This year was very eye opening for me as I expected it to be. I went from a starter being told I had a huge future at a very successful basketball program, to a “non-player player” at a school whose name is just now being respected. I don’t know why exactly, but UTA has just always been more appealing to me than the big name schools. I knew that I would have a major impact in a program like UTA that went from a 4 game winning season to a 17 winning game season thanks to players like Rebekah Vandijk and Cierra Johnson and a coach like mine to get those players here in the first place. This year I stood behind my teammates as an encourager and a safe place for them to confide in. I gained their trust through vulnerability, transparency, and being real with them and myself. I know who I am and who I am not and everyone on the team knows I recognize those things. I will never put myself above a teammate nor will I ever treat them in a way where I am more valuable or entitled than them. They are my sisters and in my eyes I see the potential and the greatness in them because I genuinely love them. To be real honest, it takes a lot of maturity to do that and it’s something that has not always been easy for me to do in the past. I see the importance of each individual on this team and the importance of the future teammates I will have and also the importance of the foundation that was laid before us. Without Cierra or Bekah, this team would not have been turned around and I believe they’ll be rewarded for that in their senior season. What’s really cool is the legacy will continue on. I saw it in my highschool, where the team had never gone to a playoff game and now they are State finalist contenders ever year. It is an expectation that is set by someone who comes in and demands greatness from everyone around them and the entire team holds each other accountable. It is what was expected from me and my teammates there and it’s what I expect here. I won’t go into details on our vision in our basketball program at UTA because that’s family stuff, but I am just so excited for opportunity and for believing.  

             

                      

                      

                      

There is so much more I learned, but I think these points were to be highlighted and appreciated by the ones who have had such a positive impact on my life. This year was the first of many historical and record breaking moments in our program and the conference. If I weren’t here I’d be afraid for the things UTA women’s basketball can and will do from here on out. I am so glad I am on this side of the court and not anywhere else. God knows what He’s doing… that is for sure. It’s not always about the big names, the BCS teams, the hype, and the “fame”. At the end of the day, where is God calling you to live out YOUR purpose? Maybe it is the dream schools of your childhood, but maybe like me, it’s somewhere that your spirit is needed the most and in the end result, you will grow to your fullest potential and make everyone around you great in the process. Do what God wants you to do, not what the world wants you to do. That’s biblical, anyways.

Shout out to my team!!!!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS AND THANK YOU FOR LOVING ME.