Be Faithful, Not perfect
Today I was asked how I manage to spend time with Jesus with my schedule as a student-athlete. I immediately felt convicted. If I’m being honest, as much as I proclaim how much I love everybody & have all & more to offer to others, I have to admit I’ve felt pretty empty lately. It’s hard to offer truth & grace to others when you don’t receive it yourself.
I have been completely humbled by the grace God has given me in recent months. There are moments I really cry because I can’t believe I am at Syracuse. If you really only knew all of the hours in the gym I danced around by myself, I spoke to myself out loud & counted down the buzzer, I imagined & fantasized myself hitting winning shots, winning championships, & having fun doing it. All of this was while I was in college. I’m sure if anyone ever got ahold of any security footage they would literally be like what is this 22 year old doing dancing to Miley Cyrus acting like a cocky Steph curry.
That’s authentic, that’s true, that’s really me & what I do behind closed doors. But in front of others I want to be viewed & seen as selfless, caring, genuine, & dependable. I do believe I am those things, but there comes a point when I, as a performer, an athlete, a natural people pleaser, start to compromise who I am to make people around me happy.
I give so much, I try so hard, I love so deep. But today when I read that question, I felt guilty. I am not all I portray to be. I really had the thought that I needed to do better, try harder. I wasn’t in the word like I have been in the past. I didn’t have these spontaneous crazy God moments in recent weeks. I didn’t sit & meditate & study thoroughly God’s word every day. I have made friends a priority before God. I haven’t been to church in 25 days. I have spent more time studying basketball film & shooting in the gym than I have talking to God.
So I opened my bible because of all of these thoughts, so I didn’t have to pretend I was studying every day. And as I opened the pages, this is the first one I came upon.
“Be faithful, not perfect.”
God has never looked for perfect people, just faithful ones. The Biblical standard is not people who never fail, but people who, when they fail, reconnect with God, repent, & go on in faith.
All God ever asked me to do through this whole journey was to stay faithful. When the people around me weren’t faithful to me, when they went against their word, when they gave up on me, when they broke their promises to me, I decided to continue to trust God & stay faithful, because I was SO confident in the visions He spoke over me for basketball, for dating, & for career aspirations. When the people around me couldn’t uphold their part after I’ve given everything I could, I didn’t give up hope. I have stayed faithful. And so in this moment, where I am not perfect & steer off the road with God, I remember He is not asking for perfect, He is just asking for my faithfulness.
So in my season of heart break, I stay faithful in the confidence that I’ll walk through the promises God spoke to me years ago. I still hold onto that, I still believe that. It’s scary knowing how much I’ve been hurt, but I have no choice but to keep fighting. I won’t ever let go of that. I’m too stubborn anyways & I know God too well to believe He would fail me after ALL of this!!!!
I have been completely humbled by the grace God has given me in recent months. There are moments I really cry because I can’t believe I am at Syracuse. If you really only knew all of the hours in the gym I danced around by myself, I spoke to myself out loud & counted down the buzzer, I imagined & fantasized myself hitting winning shots, winning championships, & having fun doing it. All of this was while I was in college. I’m sure if anyone ever got ahold of any security footage they would literally be like what is this 22 year old doing dancing to Miley Cyrus acting like a cocky Steph curry.
That’s authentic, that’s true, that’s really me & what I do behind closed doors. But in front of others I want to be viewed & seen as selfless, caring, genuine, & dependable. I do believe I am those things, but there comes a point when I, as a performer, an athlete, a natural people pleaser, start to compromise who I am to make people around me happy.
I give so much, I try so hard, I love so deep. But today when I read that question, I felt guilty. I am not all I portray to be. I really had the thought that I needed to do better, try harder. I wasn’t in the word like I have been in the past. I didn’t have these spontaneous crazy God moments in recent weeks. I didn’t sit & meditate & study thoroughly God’s word every day. I have made friends a priority before God. I haven’t been to church in 25 days. I have spent more time studying basketball film & shooting in the gym than I have talking to God.
So I opened my bible because of all of these thoughts, so I didn’t have to pretend I was studying every day. And as I opened the pages, this is the first one I came upon.
“Be faithful, not perfect.”
God has never looked for perfect people, just faithful ones. The Biblical standard is not people who never fail, but people who, when they fail, reconnect with God, repent, & go on in faith.
All God ever asked me to do through this whole journey was to stay faithful. When the people around me weren’t faithful to me, when they went against their word, when they gave up on me, when they broke their promises to me, I decided to continue to trust God & stay faithful, because I was SO confident in the visions He spoke over me for basketball, for dating, & for career aspirations. When the people around me couldn’t uphold their part after I’ve given everything I could, I didn’t give up hope. I have stayed faithful. And so in this moment, where I am not perfect & steer off the road with God, I remember He is not asking for perfect, He is just asking for my faithfulness.
So in my season of heart break, I stay faithful in the confidence that I’ll walk through the promises God spoke to me years ago. I still hold onto that, I still believe that. It’s scary knowing how much I’ve been hurt, but I have no choice but to keep fighting. I won’t ever let go of that. I’m too stubborn anyways & I know God too well to believe He would fail me after ALL of this!!!!
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